A lot of things used to be acceptable to me. Seriously, so many things have changed in my mind and heart. Why did God change my understanding and acceptance? Cuz I asked Him too, I really did, but I had no idea what it would change, and how much I would change in the process.
I used to believe in Poly, Swinging, Being Bi-Sexual, Lesbian relationships, BDSM, and many other things that God has made it perfectly clear, that all of these things are wrong, and he doesn't approve of 99.9% of them. I mean seriously, I have heard and learned from experience that these things, are bad! God says "Nope. Don't even try it, I've already decided that this is not a good thing."
So a few weeks ago, I heard on a radio broadcast about what happens when you do Swinging. When married couples decide that its okay, to sleep around with other people, and how it destroys your marriage, then just yesterday I heard my pastor, Doug tell us about how bad it is, to not be faithful and focus on having sex with YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE!! And how God made sex for MARRIED COUPLES ONLY!! So when Chuck told me that him and Jack talk about there partners, and about how Swinging is okay. I almost died inside!! Can't they see how bad or how toxic that lifestyle is to their marriage? How it destroys the intamacy?! Can't they see that they are sowing seeds of destruction and decay in their marriage?! So my heart started to cry for Jack, who is one of my best friends. So I started to ask him questions, and try to understand what in his head makes him think that this lifestyle is Okay?! When I did, he instantly attacked me, verbally. He instantly started getting so defensive and so angry at me, because I was asking him questions about why he thinks that this is okay. He got even madder when I asked him if he knew that it destroys the intimacy in his marriage with Jack. When I did, he pretty much destroyed me. I am not a fighter, I am a lover, and God has made me realize that, that lifestyle is not okay. That the way that he treats jack, and dalamar is not okay.
So as I sit here, and wonder what to do. I realize, that my husband is right. Its their life. Its their decision whether or not they want to live in decay and destruction, but how I love them, and how I care!! I want everyone around me to know and to live the truth!! To live as God commands us to live. To live so that when God/Jesus returns we can all sit with Him, and laugh and know what true unity is. I so want things to be as God wants them to be.. I really do, and now that I know that they definately live that way, I am astounded that there isn't more decay and destruction in their lives. Really it does, they are sowing seeds of bad bad things.
So when this happened, instantly my mind is trying to understand why?! Why would they decide to live this way? Why on earth would he decide to this to Jack? To lead her into a life of destruction.... My heart hurts knowing what they are doing right now with the "friends" that came over.
Truly right now, I don't understand, but I do Thank God, for allowing me to see and to know that this isn't right. That all those things that I desired, that all of those things that I've done in my past, aren't right!! That the different lifestyles that we have now a days, 99.9% of them are wrong!! 99.9% of them create more damage than we can repair on our own... Oh how we need a savior to love and care for us... Praise God for allowing Jesus to come!! If it weren't for Jesus, I know that I would have never seen nor known my heavenly Father.
So now I am sitting here, feeling a bit more okay with their choice. But, in the end I have a feeling that God is going to show me, that their decisions will eventually poison my life as well. That I need to keep my distance (which I am now) and that I need to find new family, new friends, and continue along the path that I am going. To continue along, my way, following God, and being obedient. Knowing and Love Him, my awesome and incredible Heavenly Father!!
"Father I thank you for allowing me to know some of the evils of this world, and how to say No, to the things that I used to say Yes too. Father I Thank you for teaching me, and for taking away my understanding of the bad things of the world. I now know that Father, I don't need to understand why people decide to live against You, instead I need to seperate myself from them, and make sure that their poisonus ways don't poison me, and turn me away from You. Father I do ask that you touch Jack, and let her know that Chuck is leading her astray, let her crave Your attention and Love. Father, I ask that you please help Dalamar get away from the life that he is forced to live while living with Chuck and his mom. Father I do fear for him, and hope that he is able to end up in a loving environment where he knows that people love and care for him. Father I pray and ask that you allow Travis and me to grow closer together, with you. So that we can have our own 3 some of Love. One made up with You on top, and Travis and I the other 2 corners of the triangle. Father I pray and ask that you please show Jocelyn the truth an please guide her to stop lying to Gabby about her earthly dad. Father we both know that Travis loves her, and I hope that you can show and teach Jocelyn and Amy to speak the truth, to Gabby. Father please protect Gabby, and let her know that right now Travis and I are thinking about her, and are sending her love. Father I thank You for everything you't blessed us with today, and yesterday. Father I love you. IN Jesus' Name Amen."
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