Okay, so I've been reading the book that Nita gave me to read on Boundaries, and I've discovered something during the newest chapter of this book, I'm completely Co-Dependant!! So with this startling discovery about myself, I've decided that I need to start saying no, to other peoples' needs. I mean seriously it seems like the minute that I find out that I have money or that our lives are going good, it seems like the entire world is grabbing at my heels trying to get me to buy them things or to take care of them. Even Travis, he is one of the worst things I think, cuz I hate saying no to him, I hate not being able to spoil him and give him everything he could ever want, unfortunately this time I promised God that I would definately spend the money on bills, and I would act responsibly with the money that He gave us.
So with that said, I have to say that I think that I'm getting annoyed, and exhausted with Cindy and her irresponsibility. I mean seriously, right now she is totally on my nerves. Let me explain, she has no idependant thoughts or actions. She likes to spend money, and likes to do irresponsible things... I think I may NOT be helping her like I thought I would be, by bringing her here into my home. Okay, so instead of saving up money for a place to live in the end of April she is talking about getting a cell phone, and doing things with her money. She is spending it on things that she doesn't need, and tends to throw her clothes on the floor in the closet. She only takes a shower once a week, and is on a bunch of meds now, cuz I made her go to the doctor. She doesn't seem to think that taking care of herself is an important part of her life. I mean seriously, you've gotta take care of yourself.. You really do.. Otherwise whats left? The bits and peaces that you left behind... She constantly follows Travis and I around, and doesn't seem to think about the consquences of her actions.. Seriously she doesn't... She can't seem to understand that she needs to take some initative and take care of things herself, she needs to step up and start demanding that her life change the direction that its going.. Seriously... She does..
So Travis' Grandfather Poppo died yesterday. Its really a sad thing to think that another one of his relatives has died while he is so far away. Yet he refuses to go down there, and be with his mom or anything during such a rough and important time. I hope he doesn't regret his decisions later on in life. Really I do. I also hope that one day he is able to feel, and to know feelings and how awesome it is to have them, and to truly feel.
So Travis and I are going to marital counseling, and I'm continuing my therapy with Craig, although its hard to do, since I can't seem to let him in.. Not yet, but I will force myself to do it.. No matter what.. I just wanna get better, I just want to be the me that has been screaming and trying to come out from deep within all these years!! I wanna be better... So on top of all of that, I'm meeting with Nita, and she is helping me grow as well... So I'm seeing 3 different counselors a week, to help with all of my problems.. Well the appointments with Grant are marriage counseling so with that, its not just my issues, but Travis' issues as well... I'm hoping to be able to fix our marriage problems, and become an awesome Christian couple, who can withstand any challenge together. I'm also hoping that by getting all of this help all at one time, I will be able to finally live as a normal human being, and sometime soon, get another job, and keep it for years to come!! Really thats what I'm hoping for.. I don't like sitting around and doing nothing, so I've been focusing on everything here, which to be honest has got me exhausted.. I have no sex drive, and am sorta, bleh...
Well thats all I'm going to say for now.. I'm going to go, and watch the Dog the Bounty hunter, and take my sleeping pill....
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