I have too much Anger...

I hurt so badly inside right now.. I just read Travis' journal that he has been typing, and have realized that I might have been hurting him more than I love him. I read it, and now I'm in pieces.. I'm so glad that he has been journaling, and has been honest with himself about his feelings.. Finally he is honestly feeling and thinking, but his honesty is whats killing me right now.. He journaled about my anger, and about how it makes him feel so useless, and so numb.. I am creating the problems in our marriage, my wanting to fight everyone about everything. Me wanting to control everything constantly..

So this has really been a silent and yet eye opening experience.. Honestly, this hurts so bad, am I really that angry? I guess I am.. And its obvious.. I'm nice to certain people, but it comes out really bad.. I'm so angry and so terrible to Travis all the time.. I guess I need to find something and focus on not being so angry.. Really I do... Hmmm, I wonder what I need to do, to get rid of my anger?

So part of my growing and recovering needs to take care of my anger, so I need to start feeling my anger.. All of it.. I need to let it out, and I need to focus on that!! I really do!! So I'm going to focus on trying to listen and trying to just calm down, and stop lashing out at people.. I need to stop doing this, and I need to stop allowing other people to pay for our obligations.. I know that I can do this, God wouldn't give me all this responsibility if I couldn't handle it, or take care of things.. I know that with God on our side, we can do everything and anything.. God.. Help me...