Okay, so I haven't been honest with myself. Not at all, well at least not about this weight loss thing.. I am addicted to food, well emotionally anyway. So with that said, I've looked around via internet, and found that there is a counseling center really close to me, that has a counselor who specializes in people with food issues!! They have also got normal counselors there, and so with that said, I am hoping that I can find someone to replace Craig. Don't get me wrong, Craig is okay, but its like we have hit a stalemate.. One that he is unwilling to change.. I have brought things up, and he has pretty much refused to allow us to move forward on his side of things.. He doesn't change the subject or help me work on things that really cause me problems.. So yeah...
So this place is an addiction center here in Chippewa, and its supposed to be an awesome place!! I am really hoping and praying that this counselor can help me wake up from this coma that I've been in, and help me to conquer this food issue, so that I can lose some weight.. I mean seriously.. I love food, and am constantly eating, its like the more I tell myself that I"m on a diet, the more that I eat, and eat and eat.. I don't know why it happens, but it just happens for me. So I'm hoping that this counselor can help me conquer some of the issues that I'm having with the food... :) I'm really excited, and am thinking that I need to setup my own team of experts, like Ruby did.. I mean she has lost so much weight already, why can't I lose that much weight too? There is no reason that I can't, I should be able to eat good, and still be healthy!! So yeah..
Also, I have seen the hurt that seeing Gabby brings in my life. I mean don't get me wrong I love her to death, she is such an adorable little girl, but I can see the ruin, and setup that she has for her life already. I mean seriously, its like HUH? Why aren't you teaching her healthy boundaries, and allowing her to be a child? Grrr, it really makes me so mad!! I mean seriously!!! So with that said, I've got an interview that I really didn't want for Kmart on Tuesday. I'm hoping to tell the lady that I only want a few hours a week, and be done with it.. I mean I have always wanted a job at Kmart and stuff, and have always wanted to work, and be able to just do it part-time, but I'm trying to set things up now.. I'm trying to set up, my new counselors, and find a new doctor that I actually like, and can listen too. I'd like to try to find a way to get a YMCA membership, and exercise everyday.. I'm serious about this life change, one day at a time, thats the only way that its going to happen, and I need to seriously start looking at my life each and everyday...
So I'm going to get a new counselor, and am hoping to go to the YMCA, I'm also going to check out the Sparkpeople meal plan for a week, and see if its workable for our budget or not. I figure if I take away my choices, and just follow the meal plan, that will hopefully help with my eating issue, cuz its like once the meal is eaten and stuff, then its gone!! I really hope that this plan will work, and that I'll be losing weight soon, cuz that would be fricken fantastic!! I'm also going to start with my goal of burning 1,000 calories a week next week!! I'm hoping to get these things setupd ASAP, so that I can start feeling better again, cuz I am feeling like crap, eating like crap, and my attitude is well, crap!! ROFL!!
I'm so excited about this show, Ruby!! Its such an inspiration!! As well as the Biggest Loser show on Tuesday nights, and Too Fat for 15 on Monday nights.. So if I read The Spark, and watch the shows, and do my diet, and really do my workouts, and focus on doing this for myself, then maybe just maybe I can get this done.. I mean I love myself don't I? I want to be healthy don't I? I do, I really do, I want to be healthy in all areas of my life, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.. So I need to work on all areas of my life!! Seriously I do!!
Well its 10:00, and I need to start winding down for bed, and want to look at the sparkpeople stuff online, and figure out whats up with that, so I can go grocery shopping, and know its a positive step in the right direction.. Really I do...
"Sweet Father, Thank you for all of our blessings.. I love you Amen"
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