Confusion and Crankiness...

Okay so, Travis has decided to stay in Missouri for a short time longer.. Which frankly, is okay.. Or is it? I have been having one heck of a time, deciding how I feel, and how to act during this complicated time in our relationship. I've found that I am a very jealous, and awnry about the entire situation one day, and then be fine and excited about it the next day or hour.. Isn't that strange? So I've decided to use this post to get all of my feelings out, in a safe environment, just to ensure that I don't start yet another fight or argument between the two of us.. Seriously, this has got to end some time.. Doesn't it?

Well I took a nice cool shower, just to sorta calm down, and re-gain some sanity.. Its been so warm in here all day, I feel as though my head is going to explode.. In all seriousness... Its like KABOOOM!! So with that said, I think that I can finally think about whats going on some what logically...

 So Travis is wanting to stay in Missouri to figure out what hes doing, and to figure out, what he wants.. Now, my thoughts on that are 2 different ways: One way that I think is, Good! I'm glad that he is taking time to really figure out what he wants!! I'm so proud of him for doing that!! Whooo!!! So I'm really excited and happy about him staying, it gives me time to breath and really focus on my stuff going on here!! Then the other way, its like I feel abandoned and panicked that he wants to stay there.. Its like Who else is he dating? Why won't he just come home to me?! I can't believe that he is once again leaving me with all of those responsibilities!! Once again, he is just leaving and doing whatever the heck he wants!! WTH?!

So as you can see, I have 2 very different views on this whole situation, so the some what truth through this all is that, I can handle things here, I am getting my checks on the 1st of the month, and so, I can already pay rent, Electricity and for the cable!! I can already do those things, and so why panic about it? Why not just relax and work to gain some extra money, during this time, and use it for some good? I mean seriously.. The truth is that I don't think he'd sleep with someone else now that we're married, and I doubt that he is seriously looking for another girlfriend.. I know that Travis loves me, and that should be enough for me.. It should be!!

So I'm going to be sticking to that attitude as much as possible.. Hoooray!! :D

Well I will post more tomorrow!!