Okay, so I have stopped losing weight, and have started gaining again.. I think this last week, I have gained 3 lbs.. UGH!! However, I have a lot of faith, that I can start losing again, by being active, and by working on things once again... So since I have written last time, so much has happened.. I feel bad that I'm not blogging every night.. I know that I should, so that I can get my feelings and things out, but sometimes its just soo hard... Alright, so Travis is still in Missouri, and is SUPPOSED to be coming home sometime this week, however he hasn't given me a day or a time yet.. It seems as though he is just sitting waiting for someone else to decide when he is leaving.. I've started the Experiencing God bible study group, and I have to say, its been fantastic being able to see old faces again!! Its been a really good thing, to really be able to socialize again!! I can't wait until I get to attend church and group, its going to refill me!! I know it will!! So with that said, tomorrow morning @ 10am.. I have an appointment to get my paperwork for school done, so that'll get started!! Its like so many things are happening, but yet, my marriage is still on the dying end of things.. Things all around me are flourishing and growing, but I can't seem to get my marriage going.. Well I should say our marriage...
So with that said, I feel as though Travis doesn't care/love me. He said it last friday, and now has suddenly stopped loving me again.. Its so weird and awkward how that happens.. *sigh* So today I'm really sick, Like I can't talk, can barely swallow am tasting blood each time I swallow type of sick.. I literally can't talk for longer than 1 or 2 minutes if even that, and he doesn't seem concerned at all.. In fact, He didn't wanna talk to me or anything, he is just going about his stuff as usual, without any concern about my welfare or well-being.. Its like he says that he cares, and he says that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to me, but at this point, his words are meaning less to me.. Seriously.. They really are.. Completely meaningless.. *sigh* So he says he is coming home, but when he comes home, what will it mean for me? What will it mean for us? I can honestly say that if he doesn't love me, then I don't want him here.. I don't want him living and staying with me, if he doesn't share my feelings, nor does he wanna work on our marriage.. *sigh* Also, he has stopped filing for his unemployment, so basically when he gets here, does he think that I am supposed to be supporting him completely?! Seriously?! So with that I'm a bit nervous, as I can't work 4 days a week, and go to school, and keep my current benefits.. That would be insaine!! Completely insaine!!! Ugh!! I'm really hoping deep down inside, that our marriage will get better.. It seems as though things have been distracting me lately.. Hanging out with Mac, cooking out, etc.. Its all been one huge distraction, so that I'm not able to focus on my bible studies or my prayer time with God!! I am really hoping that God hasn't given up on me.. My sins are getting smaller in size, I think, and have started to disappear, but have started poking their ugly heads out again.. UGH!!
Well Its 11:29 and I have a doctors appointment here in a few hours, so I'm going to get the dishes done, and am going to try to get my bible studies done.. I really hope that they can figure out why I continue to get strep throat.. UGH!!
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