Thoughts on Marriage...

Okay, so here I am.. Alone, why you may ask? Travis went to Missouri to say goodbye to his Grandfather.. Its weird to think that I'll never meet him, or know what he was like, but that he's gone forever.. Its also weird to imagine that he got to meet Jesus, and that one day I'll take the same journey that he took before me.. Hmmm, how weird...

So today, was a busy day, and its 9:30 and I'm still going!! So this morning I went to the doctor, and found out that I have a hole in my left ear drum, and that it'll take around a month to heal itself, or I'll be sent to surgeons to fix the problem that way.. *sigh* So then Mac and I took Aingel and Mike home, to discuss whether or not they'll be moving in, I highly doubt that they will be, since I have a feeling that they never intended to move in to begin with!! So tonight, I have already started cleaning up the Kitchen, and Living room, I've just got done with this room, my office room/computer room.. I'm hoping to one day have this all sorted out, and looking awesome to be my crafting room, and office.. I'm so excited about all the things that God has made for me, to move forward with my life!! Praise God for all miracles!! :D

So my plan for this summer is this: Continue to work at Kmart, and go to school for Human Services, and then have my garden up in the community gardens!! So I'll be planting the Garden tomorrow, and will hopefully be able to return to work either later on this week, or next week.. I'm really hoping and praying, that I'll be able to maintain my job, and attend school, and do my gardening and take care of things here.. At this point I'm sure that I'll be doing it alone, since Travis has yet to make up his mind whether or not hes coming home or not.. So I'll be prepared.. I can imagine myself, achieving this all, and yet still praising God, and being happy!! This degree is going to help me help people, whether they be followers or non-believers, I believe that God wants us all to be safe, and healthy, and to be searching for him at all times.. So I'm going to start doing a bible study as well.. I know that this all seems like a lot, and it'll probably be a little bit over-whelming for me at the beginning, but I know that as long as I write lists, and get up early enough and get enough sleep, I'll be fine!! I've decided that even if Travis comes home, I will still use the cab to get back and forth to work, and will focus on living my life, as God would want me too if I were single.. I am not however, looking for someone else, as I'm sure that God will heal our marriage with some time and some guidance from Him I know that we can do this!!

I fear that Travis may think that I have lost my mind, since I was the old me one day and yelled at him, but then I've decided to continue on my list, and make sure that I treat him with love, and respect each and every-time that I talk to him, so that way he'll know at all times how much I love him, and want him to be happy.. Ya know? Its weird how it feels as though he is secretly planning on not coming home, and yet not telling me.. I hope that if he does choose that he will come up and get his belongings, so I won't have to find a way for him to get them.. If he chooses to leave me, then I wish him all the best, it'll hurt, and it'll be painful, but God is with us, and will guide us as HE wants...

Well its almost 10pm, and I have to finish the living room, and start on the bedroom, so I think I'm going to finish with the living room tonight, maybe do the bedroom to some extent, and then complete the apartment completely tomorrow!! :D

Well I will blog more tomorrow...