Well Travis has been back for 4 whole days.. And I have to say its been a whole different experience having him here.. Most definately a new experience.. Its like have a stranger come into your house, and knowing that they have to stay with you indefinately.. Its hard to re-adjust to having someone else staying here with me.. Its not like with Mac, where I can just leave him alone, and he'll go away, no, instead this person is here.. Now, this is the lie that I'm living.. Each and everyday.. Were married, and are happily working on our marriage.. Right? NO! So since he has been back, we have been some what intimate each and every night.. Today, Travis told me that he does it to shut me up.. So he has no desire to be with me intimately.. He has no desire to be sexual towards me.. Also, today I see that on my facebook a woman from Missouri emailed me and told me that Travis and her had a fling in Missouri.. Whether this is true or not, I'm not entirely sure.. However, Its really bothering me.. All day today, its been a bunch of heart break, and disaster.. Minute after minute.. So what now? Well I need to correct and fix this lie.. I am going to assume living here, as this is my home, however, I am going to start looking at plans to setup this room, as my room.. Since we are not going to be sexually together, I am going to start separating myself from him emotionally as well.. Marriage can't exist without being intimate with one another.. It just can't!! So with that said, I need to destroy this lie, each and everyday that I'm here.. PERIOD....
Well I'm going to go, and clean up the apartment.. I'm also going to start thinking about and designing my room.. :D
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