Marital Frustrations...

Alright, so tonight, I'm exhausted.. Completely and utterly tired.. Or well, so I thought.. I'm so Yiffy, its like an unstoppable train, which most husbands would rejoice about right? Well apparently not mine. Travis is completely denying anything. For the record this isn't the first time that he has refused to touch me. Hell, he refuses to even kiss me passionately, its all about pecks.. There is no passion or love in his kisses or his touch.. Its like I am a live in maid, who just so happens to pay for everything for him as well.. I have felt upset about this sort of treatment from him before, however for some reason I believed that it would be different, for some reason, I thought that he'd want me.. For some reason, I thought that he loved me enough to wanna touch me, at least once.. At least for a few seconds.. But instead, what I got was a cold denial.. So here I am wanting to ball my eyes out, cuz my husband once again would rather do anything else other than touch me..

With that said, tonight, I'm going to be staying up late, since I can't seem to sleep without his touch. Ya know, he refuses to even come to bed!! He won't sleep with me, and doesn't say that he loves me very much anymore. I feel myself falling outta love with him. Its like I am attracted to him, but without that intimacy there is no desire to continue to be with him.. Its like I'm staying with him outta routine, and convenience, instead of love, which I know is very wrong at this point, so we will have to see what the day brings.. Won't we?

So I've decided to start using Microsoft works if he has it on here, to start planning out my days, and to make sure that I have things planned out for that day, instead of procrastinating, and wasting time doing other things.. I have so many things that I need to get done everyday, I'm falling behind on everything, including laundry.. I think that I'm only going to wash my laundry, since Travis has got more than enough clothes and stuff to last him until next week.. It might sound mean, but ya know what? He doesn't seem to care whether he is clean or not, so whats the point anymore?!

With that said, I'm doing okay.. I've worn myself out.. I'm so tired, yet can't seem to sleep. Its a strange position to be in.. Its like in my mind, I have tons of things that I'd like to do. For instance, I'd like to go for a walk, I'd like to learn to jog, I'd like to start doing my aerobic step and stuff again.. I miss it!! So with that said, I think that tomorrow, I'm going to do it again.. Why? Why not?! I'd like to do it.. :-) Well I'm going to sit down, and take a look at my classes, and whats due tomorrow, and setup a schedule based on whats going on tomorrow.. I haven't heard from Nita, so I'm assuming that we won't be meeting on Thursday, instead I'll be meeting with Hannah on Saturday!! I"m so excited about that!! Whoo Hooo!!! :D

Well I guess I will be posting more, as the night goes on... :) For some reason, I feel as though we are going to get a surprise sometime soon here.. I hope its a good surprise, cuz if not, I'll have to kill someone!! ROFL.. As if I could do that... Anyway I'm going to go, and figure out my plan for tomorrow.. As I said, if I need too, I'll be posting more tonight.. :d