Well tonight was our bbq.. Yeah it was fun I guess.. I guess... I'm so down right now, I feel like packing a back pack, and just walking away, and hoping that I'm able to find a hotel room some place or something.. Seriously.. So Travis went ahead and just threw the fish in the fish tank, not caring about what he was doing, so I'm sure that they'll just die now.. Isn't that nice?! Who cares?! I'm so angry at him right now, I just wish that he'd leave and go back to Missouri, where he can find someone else to sleep with.. I have to say that I"ve got a lot of anger feelings towards him, I've got a lot of anger, and disappointment, and just plain pissed off feelings towards him.. Seriously... UGH!!
Things for me, would be much better if he just decided to leave, and go away.. If He'd just decide to leave me along, and just go on and destroy someone elses life... Why do I have to sit here, and support him, and take care of him? I shower him with gifts, and he doesn't care.. He isn't concerned with getting things, he doesn't care about me sitting here, feeling like nothing but a used, and unwanted piece of crap.. Who cares that he does whatever he wants, sits there, and ignores me, and talks to his stupid friends.. Who cares?! Who cares that I'm a nothing to him.. A complete and utter nothing... A complete and utter fool for believing that he'd love me, or take care of me... I'm a fucking fool.. Completely...
Well tomorrow, I'm going to get up early, and am going to get things done around here, I'm sure that by then the fish will be dead, since he couldn't wait a few minutes, and let me do anything with them.. Instead he had to do whatever the fuck he wanted.. Seriously!! It must be nice to do whatever you want, when ever you want, and not care about what you are doing to the people around you.. It must be really nice.. REALLY FUCKING NICE!! I'm so angry inside, that I just wanna call the cops and have him removed from the apartment or something.. Maybe I should find some place else to go and sleep or something.. Ya know? Maybe go on ahead, and just find another apartment and another bed, and just move outta here, since I"m not important enough to do anything with, or to even acknowledge.. Ya know, he doesn't even wanna lay with me, or cuddle with me?! He's gotta go log into his chat room, or play his Xbox.. Thats all more important than anything else.. Thats more important than me, or anything.. Who cares about anything else?! I'm so angry!! I'm going to go to bed, after I talk to God.. Cuz I know for a fact that is the only way that all of this anger is going to go away....
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